UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-Pay Attention to the Tension

Tension in a marriage can be good. But by the time some people finish reading this blog about tension they may be shouting, “Get rid of the jerk, he/she’s not worth it.” Apparently they were worth it at one time; the day you were both all dressed up in your finest attire, surrounded by family and friends and declaring your love for each other for the “rest of your lives.”

 Our modern day lifestyle plays havoc with our marriages; especially during the years where we are cultivating our careers, nurturing our children, trying to stay in the black in our bank accounts and carving out some fun recreational activities. I believe that much of the tension arises by both spouses feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated and then angry. Instead of throwing in the towel and saying, “I don’t love you anymore, and I’m leaving”…see the tension as a golden opportunity for quality change.

Many great things in this life have been accomplished because of the awareness of tension. The knowledge of people in slavery and trying to find solutions, tension in science that lead to our light bulb, vaccines and the right for women to vote. Endless progress has been made in our world because of people acknowledge the tension and then willing to pursh through to something better. So how does this work in our marriages?

Tension usually arises when something is wrong. In a marriage it is usually because someone is feeling unloved, overlooked or undervalued. At one time you felt happy; so this tension challenges the present status quo and implores you to move into something better.  SO PAY ATTENTION TO THE TENSION:

  1. Stop and define the blurry feelings.  Something has changed; things don’t feel good anymore, there is more pain than pleasure and someone is feeling unloved and somewhat angry or resentful.
  2. Strive to understand each other’s present feelings. Make yourself vulnerable and speak the truth about what seems to be wrong. Try to see this as something that is not right or wrong, but merely to discover what is making you unhappy or unfulfilled.
  3. Own your part of the tension. Don’t blame, criticize, bring up past hurts, or accuse. Work toward a solution not the power to be right.
  4. Something has to change. Tension defines that something is NOT working, so find ways to make it work. You have to acknowledge that life is complicated, everyone is too busy and probably feeling neglected. This is the time to make radical, constructive changes. 
  5. Value your marriage. Value it enough to back off for a while and think about what needs to change. Pray about ways you can remove the tension and find new methods to enjoy each other’s company and laugh again.
  6. Love is spelled T.I.M.E. This one speaks for itself.
  7. Be patient and persevere. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV).

Anything worthwhile is worth fighting for. Instead of fighting with each other, fight for your marriage. There is always the option of having a tension free life, and that probably consists of sitting at home alone in front of the TV, doing whatever you please, with no one to bother you. Might sound good for a day or two, but soon you will crave that which we were created for; to be in harmonious relationships.

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