UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – When Life Squeezes You

“What comes out of you when life squeezes you?” I think about that quite a bit actually, because I’ve had a bit of “squeezing” going on in my life. No matter how I act, or “fake it until I make it”…when life squeezes me, the REAL ME SHOWS UP! It’s not always pretty, but it is the truth. How does this reality affect your marriage; because life can be tough.

©       You find out a child has an addiction.

©       The balance in the bank account is so much lower than you anticipated.

©       You find out your spouse had an affair, or a friend deceived you.

©       Your career change is so much harder than anticipated.

©       Your spouse will not take on spiritual leadership.

©       You found pornographic sites on your spouse’s computer.

©       Some you love-dies.

©       You lost your job.

©       You got a life threatening Doctor’s report.

©       Your daughter told you she is pregnant…. and her son tells you he is getting a divorce. 

 All these things have a huge impact on your emotional state and have the power to pull you and your spouse apart, OR grow closer.  You have heard me say this and I will say it again; “Marriage is hard work, but NEVER GIVE UP!”

 When life squeezes you, there may be different reactions to different events. You may become angry, defensive, blame another person, go into depression or withdraw.  To get through these tough times, please remember my reader friends; that your goal is to “fight the GOOD fight” and not fight with each other. How do you “fight the good fight”: and continue to love each other through these harsh realities? The answers are right in God’s word out of the book of Ephesians Chapter 4.

 1.         BE ANGRY BUT GET OVER IT. “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.”

2.         DON’T BLAME. “Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.” Seek to understand rather than to be understood (Covey).

3.         BE KIND AND FORGIVE; EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE IT. “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

4.         ADMIT YOUR FAULTS.“Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayers of a righteous man have great power and wonderful results” (James 5:16 NLT).

5.         TELL GOD WHAT YOU NEED.“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God’ peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand” (Phil., 4:6,7).

 When you wake up in the middle of the night and your mind is whirling with anger, doubt, confusion and angst, here are a couple of ways you can incorporate some simple but powerful truths.

i.          Get out of bed and write your problem on a piece of paper.  If you love to journal; take the time to write down your emotions and tell God exactly how you feel.

ii.         Change your worry words into prayer words. Here are some examples.

ü      Instead of worry and saying: “God, why aren’t you doing something; why is nothing changing?” – Say: “God, I know you make everything beautiful in YOUR time. I choose to trust you during this painful time.”

ü      Instead worry and saying:  “God why am I so tired, overwhelmed and why are there so many struggles in my life?” Say: “God you say to come to you when I am weary; so I ask that you help me find time to hide away with you so that I can get a clearer perspective on my life.”

ü      Instead of worry and saying: “God, I feel so broken, gritty and angry and I don’t think my marriage will ever be restored. “ Say: “God, I know that you restore all things. When trees burn down, they grow again. When a bone breaks, it heals, when my heart breaks; You are the healer of broken hearts. I know you will restore everything in my life BECAUSE YOU ARE GOD!

These are simple concepts but difficult to incorporate because they take some hard work.  Ask God to help you get started!  God will hear your cry of help and give you the wisdom, power and strength to get through this difficult time.  I know, because God has heard my cries of anguish over the years and He has always picked me up and set me back on my feet.  There is only one hitch; YOU need to take the first, bold step.

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